pistons esteem

pistons-esteem

how unreal a soul can be

how egotistical fake unloyal this animal can become

lost never found ever found? death found- always

stirs in the night stirs our hearts ignored by our minds

delay the comfort misread mis heard words for statues

what statues?  stone statues in my mind?

built up men that cease to exist at the physical line

silly updogs burrowers fake assesors of the mind

stone statues carved plate words but no feeling

cold stone cold words cold plate

warm bodies warm breath warm tears

feel the warmth from life and then cold from categories

sun shines on my soul because fright me not the sky my partner my vessel only full of life

my form animal my tone beast my stare- igniting

my love for life my love for tender broken bones our love for fuck

life is a tender bone broken mended fixed cracked repaired crushed -then amputated

decaying cut off fender bender tender bender bone hard flesh soft this broken life just enough

sorry disputed lowering heads shrinking egos display balls

loud outbursts ham yelling finger flicking glowing darts

extinguish white fluff kills your must filth strong unkind word create sore

blister bubbles pain guilt unconscious pistons banging away at our logic centers

banging our decisions

banging our fucking brains

that guilt that fucking guilt you say buried but it beats your brain daily

fucks your head

guilt fucks your head pistons banging fucking train pistons bobbing these feelings projecting these guilt ridden forbidden emotions.

to our friends family our other one.

pieces our tender bones mended together for the display the museum you display you antique relic display yourself

delayed casts broken gaskets banged up ideals morals values truths your sewer center filled with what?

what do you pump through your veins?

decisions in the past feelings emotions tucked away pumping slowly through veins

breeding quietly in your brains littering your life -with pain.

-Gwant

sands

cracks no mend needed fill in with lust

dust crust filthy must end this crazed fluff

hollowed tubes balls of wire intrepid lines in my mind

moths butterflies deer skin lies never in my eyes

the best actors lie through their teeth hearts cut out heads exalted

best in class good looking sass tiger meow what is to fault

the head is to fault the heart the gut the hands and feet is to be exalted

the lies are to be buried our heads to be buried our minds future past buried in the sand

our wiggley feet hands our up down bellies shown

but cower my smile for fear that something more might be shown

i cower below in the depths of my gut down gravity pulling my smile down

to a frown

in the sand

where no one can see or feel but me- and the sand.

-Gwant

3 am

smoke signals
on your doorstep
in the night
freezing cold
burns
into your soul
as you
stomp out the light
of another
sickness
death inhaled
i will survive
to kill myself
again
another night
but i have seen
the hollow eyes
exeunt of life
a mother
drowning
in stained
cotton sheets
still i cry
at 3 am
under blankets
my only
comforters
fighting off the blankness
in the stares
that were so many
slaughted silently
still i wait
by the grove
where my father
was murdered
by reality
pondering the time
it would take
for my spirit
to wander
like the mother
and the father
i am the beast
that haunts
in the doorways
by the bedsides
in the kitchens
drowning
with the memories
of one hundred
fires
burning out
slowly
and still i wait
always

spitfire

spit it out

dont swallow
your lines
when they come

have fun

fucking yourself

in the face

when you make

a mistake

taste your words

turn them over

bend them backwards

flip them upside down

--but take your time

before you release

don't let them

come too soon

even when you think

you are through

murdering silent beast

murdering-silent-beast

crowded streets empty hearts beating brain drum

high knights roam eyes match in unison troops assemble

perfect lines perfection marching with eyes down frown

duty unforgiven murder bomb kill for duty

bare your fangs for duty

animal cannibal barking dogs withheld by steel barriers

steel barrier duty?

keep the dogs at bay troops focus stays

steel mean cold uniform steel blockading our barking dogs

bark dog bark for me i need the motivation

a wolf creature flies over the mean steel and bounces into the street filled with troops

grizzly sizzly biting legs thighs arms guns bayonets aimed at this animal furious rage trapped animal

boom boom stab blood runs my wolf died

my love my motivation my inspiration my teacher

has died.

the frowning uniformed troops have killed the growling animal

now a steaming red pile of hope faith and fire the troops note the death

someday pleading with themselves to redeem the rest

beasts killing beasts silent beast killing roaring beast

-Gwant

boom

boom

semi sweet logic trickles in again

years of bouncing boxing collapsing

need explosive thunder clapping brain booming

half mind mine the other half the world

what we put in remember the hit dismiss the miss

whats good know whats bad no no

push and pull hold on and let go of ideas

rules ruler of thought slave to laws pimps to ourselves

shove this out breed this newness cloud your foggy head with more smut

boom boom boom destroy all of those tidbits

boom boom boom out diddys

visualize boom then boom the visual

take it then break it

create it then rape it

build it up for a bigger boom

or keep it sensible and at ground level

rapid small quiet booms on earth

spread out loud beautiful sparkling demonic boom in the heavens

the heavens we created i created in my mind

to do so must close my minds eye and stop the booms

build up the non-boom logic until sense booms that shit to smitherings

intelligent human beings capable of controlling your boom.

you bloom with each boom.

boom is boon for bloom

-Gwant

Smeers

hiccups bubbles smoke rings from lungs

beer bongs tickle my tongue

from my brother

'melting flesh

lead feet'

water is and patience has won

from my brother and from others

we learn copy and obey the physicality of daily life.

Years Later: Biker Brothers

years-later

finger dipping into warm holes gathered by domino dingos

brass knuckles crush cushiony flesh brought forth by pajama papas

lager liquor loud crashing hells angels outlaws from dusty desert

silver chains melting away brains skull caps rotten teeth from igniting ice

glass chambers smiles black eyes cues corners rockets garner greed

black feather dipped in ink signed at the line hell bent on leather- forever

-Gwant

count me in

count-me-in

gross drains red carnegie trees mean bean

stock to sky giant polar bear singular eye

mind eye spinning round the beanstock never notice the tick tock

flocks crowd bottum stock necks ache from staring up

eyes tears gloss fear innocence wait to climb up

green drain climb to fall up to come down fake bruised clowns yelling

screaming to follow screaming to break screaming to let go

a trampoline below but not to catch the falling clowns

but to catch the falling leaves the ashs

sticks in the fire

we rub each other down until we ignite

friction tick tock tick tock until i off

clowns gowns leaves sticks falling bricks gaffy tribes barbed boundaries

jogging juggernauts blaze the flesh succulent funeral dinner

toast roast humans boast- until the fall from stock than braised on a rock

black hoods surround the feast fire reflects from their eyes

the taste brooding red taste of fate

-Gwant

Clams

clams

a gap found a hole now escaping creativity raping-burns

cannibalism in the night no fright as animals reep- sizzles

human above us all but depth below untold-erupts

reach for rise for die for no greater than see you later-sucks

fire burns it does not care fire consumers air-crutch

devoured the fuel meaningless as the flame curls upward-touch

fire dances fire is not a time keeper-tick

fire is momentary heat fire is in my heart-lick

shit in my mind fire in my heart- split

fire to love hate passionate fire that never doubts-nor thinks

fire for the animal pleasure in my fire-fun

starve my head but feed my body-dumb?

yet to begun.

-Gwant

i said:

i am the haunted stranger

living always inside myself

hibernating genius

destroyer of freedom in speech

killer of the unexpected line

exhaler of sick sentences

weighed and waited for hours

in the basements of my mind.

i reek of words unspoken

living in the grammatical

concentration camps of soul

fuck the thought police

flies from the dream pipe(s)

climb bomb jump run skip dip flip

with smoke still in your lungs gun buns trampoline finger fun

harvey dicks ron shmidt gongos geese fists treats guests that dont eat meat

curb side gray concrete blooms bows slippers jumpsuit nikes bikes dykes vast array of creeps in the night

creeps sleep colors bubble at feet rubs toes grains of rainbow fidget widgets glowing corroding blackness showing

underneath the snow dark man is flowing.

-Gwant

G$CASH$MY$

money

prosperous pompous filled to the brim dooms odor

glass walls beaded teardrops crystal break when fall

spotlight no night middle of the day but still blind

still no time to remember no time to rhyme

barely time to wait but time to pass the plate

fixed rates contemplate bank church filth dirt green smut turkey butt

slap down platinum dong booms screams laughter and cheer

and all the mothers and fine daughters come near

a big stick makes them smile from ear to ear.

analogy.

sunshine dimes clowns glocks corners rocks docks flocks and clocks

own at selling buying fatal right from cradle.

-Gwant

Warmth

Feel the cold until I drag you in.

A pleasant Warmth fills within.

Gently breathe.

Then Cold again.

SPIT ON YOU

You say

Spit on them.

Spit on them,

who control, and lie,

who spend their days, there time,

running me

my life.

You say this

very loud and very proud.

To be seen

and to be heard.

So people will look

and say

he's right,

I want to listen to him.

I want to be like him.

Let us do what he

does.

He is right.

You spend your days

and your time.

Shouting

while others

run

your life.

-Ryan

swoosh boom

dawn breaks frosty tips melt away

red green blue sliding together sliding away

blue lines forever red spot clumpy green moves

white stays black is the stretch

rainbow dots flying out from my chest

a circle circle myriad of circles dining with each other

hugging each other touching rubbing filling feeling

circles circles circles circles collide kaleidoscope

interconnected circles lines colors squigglies and wigglies

love triangles guessing games dance of death

words turds gray worlds of solid

physical logical mathematical grammatical spirals symmetry beauty

conviction touch gross guts friendly flunkies unheard of junkies

red the shape heart depth forever broad as is tall but in a bowl

fishies swim grin

dont wanna go back

dont wanna go back

not to the bowl

not to the bowl

i dont wanna go back to the bowl

i wanna stay here and be red fed greeted treated understood quoted justified crucified

nothing but a wet sponge

water

water is patient water is

water is.

-Gwant

heldy great filthy rake

heldy-great-filthy-rake

heart death beating popping throat

one arrival to another destiny

beat continues words fall heart stops

a second feeling emotion patience

second thoughts think twice love in your life

worth the cost fuster buster cleaner duster

spinny drills red splatter through my brain

out the other side can finally think thank

with fingers i collapse my stomach and hug my lungs

hold my apparatus to the sky

a wreck red pulsing slowing fading fire burns out air runs out

eye ran out

Pans out death cloud figures low luggage stowed

green grass light green turquoise bloom bombs swoon

bombs boon no boom triple crown Victorian moon

harps rape great lakes figure eight infinite eye

mind eye mine eye the eye our eye his eye her eye its eye

happy pie abyss in the mind deep wells naked children spooning the walls

a grim reaper of logic standing tall

dipping into the unconscious

what luggage does thou hath stowed-below?

-Gwant

nightVision

belong

to the shadows

to the natural tilt

the ever sounding beating

of drums in atlanta

 undercover in suburbia

fighting back the words in the walls

that shower over the weak

 we must escape

this mad reality.

Story book

Red thread?

exhaled bubbles of breath big nuts baked naked underneath children

expansion growth pop fall wrapped up caught knotted

thread goes up my pants up my shirt- pulled tightly against the others

close to the men- close to the sewing machine

a moment-needle

life- thread

im a part of a patch in this cloth storybook

sew me i am being sewn me and the others seemed like forever

im in rotation not noticing the monsters- those threaded too- but not near me

big white pages- big red thread

i am pulled tightley so tightly

loopy loop as the machine swings back and forth perfectly

morning star dew red red red indecision and red

-Gwant

Private: rainFLOPS of fire

Talking shit rip raindrops of fire

burn eyes cry why youre a bitch with too much time

thank god for today its all coming back

to bite you in the ass

you are high on your own pedaSTOOL

shit runs from your mouth

open your hole-mouth-and the smell makes me run

for health reasons i  cant be near you

for every reason i cant be fond of you

because shit runs deep

lowness runs shallowly

your pools of personality are brown, green, and smell like shit

your words are massive but you are small

a weak bitch only your mouth is tall

so you are left- alone bleeding, shitting from your holes

you are dirty-nasty innocent only of kindness

guilty always of being a shit

you little fuck- little fucker- unconscious bitch

only capable of shitting, burning, roasting feces proudly

for the world to see.

you nasty bitch you smelly whore you reek

your fire burns only with the fuel of others' anger

bash heads to feel another's touch bitch grow up

ballsclawssocksdolls

ohhhhh yes!!!

ohhh yes i need the light! save my soul! my soul wanders as it finds the internal glow- as your’s sits stagnant in its own filthy prison of self doubt. i am searching for truth- you say you have it. you have a pile of shit with a label on it saying its safe to consume. where do you sit in your throne? undoubtedly you sit alone. or do you sit with god? your very own ego hog. im sure you have a fantasy- but you will have no part of me.

Tribes(ulation)

tribes

lost found tribes-flow

beast unleashed flavors to fro

swags the name swags my game

followers-fool, lead from trees

meet greet soak my feet

this woman kneels before me

two bodies- we have two bodies

two bodies lets flow and breathe through touch

two bodies to grow- to braid

twine is fine rope is mine but this life tether divine

life contour inexplicable, tender mercies

shiver warmth morphine holy spirit

dust-must die feet climb hands write liberty of mind

no oppression open filthy runs in and out

pimp central-city- a sewer melting pot, soul collaboration

find a crest, cusp, abyss, deep dark hole

heart, mind, tongue, ass, balls, claws, socks, dolls

unleashed, unvanquished, vindicated from uniqueness and antiquity

vindicated from alone soul emptyness

free from hate love sensationalism

earth leaves trees birds doors stairs- to nowhere

a stairway to heaven?

a door of perception.

-Gwant

Reality is a carpet, until you can pull it back and see the foundation it is built upon you can not fully understand it.

to our future

We remember things once they are gone
Contributing to a deepening loan taken from our very own pockets
So remember why we sent up those rockets
Constantly searching for things lost from our minds
We dont think of anything much more than ourselves
No one else, just your own being and wealth

To strive from our lost possessions
We must greater our chances at living in advancement
Think hard, think long, think openly
Try hard, go long, and do so openly
With a guide from clean hands we can go so far
We can not trust our government with any information as to who we are
A new hope and beginning
Promised by man with hopes of winning
The world.
Stop the pain and torture
Before retaliation hurts you
For our future
As it falls to nothing

-cody

38

The rain will not stop for you, Ophelia. Outside.

Looking for your children. Soaking wet-- searching.

Crying a symphony for love. Not stopping to notice

the pieces of yourself, soul falling on the pavement,

mixing with the tears of the sky, who cries for you.

Who else listens, and who else knows of your intention?

Are the gray storm clouds alone your only sympathy?

Who sorrows for you, Ophelia? My love. The earth's love.

Spawn of the birches and dirt-dust. The ancient mother.

The new sun's daughter of remembered pasts.

Once whole, the fragments of your purpose now gather

in pools, streaming down the concrete driveway incline

out into the river, formerly known as Ray drive. Escaping.

Traveling faster away in muddied currents. Out of reach.

Going like yesterdays out into the nothing spaces of oblivion

because tomorrow will never be the same

like so many other things that will never be the same

because you are wet

because you are crying

because you cannot cry anymore

because your life is missing-- or torn away from you

by an unseen force; Some wrathful hand of a god

but what crime have you committed in your ignorance?

For this reason you search still, breaking yourself in silence

because you forever will remember their warmth

because you can never stop trying to forget

because without them you are only breathing, not living

like your heart, you will follow currents of polluted blankness

move faster and faster-- swimming and kicking-- to places

unknown by everyone, but you know are there

meet a full moon night from fonder memories

where the angels and your children shine as stars

beckoning you to join them

calling out "mother"

in bell music voices, and singing songs

that rhyme with "mother", and sound like "mother"

they glow and stretch their arms toward you

and cry out "MOTHER"

as you continue to drift into nothingness

-OPHELIA

Morning Star

Balls deep romance what the fuck-

slide into me as we breathe through touch

fuck the rough give and take keep up

in the lane playing games acting with fame

torture the name slay the day fake the grave

a clock on the walls brings us to the fall

a page turned purple men burning

slows the pace feel the race the sensation known as rotation

a fixed point bleeding from us all

a mixed feeling portraying the morning star.



-Gwant

(crackle)

Behind Eyes

Innocence lost?

All men reveal as the moon cries out from the shadows of the sun; infants at best.

Wide eyed and scared shitless. Audacity, a fools's only scape.

No mask is older than time!

Stars, scars, mars,

never had a voice.

Mimes.

Hear it calling far off, whisper of wind.

Breath the sobering air of freedom, whisked away by the rolling tides of esctacy.

Lost? Found! Not Guilty.

-Ryan

31

when will heaven come to visit me? anytime of no time? in no form of any form? no day of any week?  when can i stop? cease and desist myself?

when am i clean?--when i am a Police Woman?

member of a congregation?

old man thumping preist? --reaper of men.

will i ever be clean enough to strut through heaven's gates?

the twisted, barbed wire ceiling--

blood in my hair.

trying to trespass on Divine property.

God. Almighty. Jehovah.

Father of the virgin's child.

protector of the weak

downtrodden

heroin whores of all the world.

when will your atonement come to stay at my house?

Zeitgiest: Addendum

By Jordan Maxwell

"The more you begin to investigate what we think we understand, where we came from, what we think we’re doing; the more you begin to see we’ve been lied to. We’ve been lied to by every institution. What makes you think for one minute that the religious institution is the only one that’s never been touched? The religious institutions of this world are at the bottom of the dirt. The religious institutions in this world are put there by the same people who gave you your government, your corrupt education, who set up your international banking cartels; because our masters don’t give a damn about you or your family. All they care about is what they have always cared about and that’s controlling the whole damn world."

 

"We have been misled away from the true and divine presence in the universe that men have called God. I don’t know what God is but I know what he isn’t. And unless and until you are prepared to look at the whole truth and wherever it may go, whoever it may lead to — if you want to look the other way or if you wanna play favorites, then somewhere along the line you’re gonna find out you’re messing with divine justice. The more you educate yourself, the more you understand where things come from the more obvious things become and you begin to see lies everywhere. You have to know the truth and seek the truth and the truth will set you free."

what is to break? to be broken? to fall out into nothingness, or to be strangled by Stranger in a Friend mask, cloaked by illusions of love, imagined god, epitome of eternal beauty in a gross world? i have had visions of falling in and out of smoke clouds breathed from a thousand burning trees in California, where there is no life to catch me. because they are dying, and because i am invisible. they are screaming in their caps of orange flame, crying to the sky for pity. pleading to the god unknown to all but wild things and wild souls.  they are wallowing in their earthen beds. they are aflame. they are illuminated.

the light is beautiful, i realize, as i touch the first limbs of the furnace. my bones are hot irons, now that sear my transparent flesh, cooking insides; glowing skeleton; Halloween display hanging from the corner of an elderly couple's porch, swaying in the wind as children, frightened and nervous, slowly climb the wooden steps to the door.  glow-in-the-dark bones dancing in the night air, as i dance in fire. one, embracing the moving; the other, the forever unmoving. stillness and death. but there is no death for me in imaginings. i continue to fall, through smoke and flame, and trees. down to where the sky begins again, because there is no end in all things. because i have never really been broken. even in thought. there is no mercy in matter.

-OPHELIA

Baptism by Death

Witness the half-wit aloofness of our sun; center of the world. Fully or barely aware of the fact, but aware nonetheless. Bathing in love and grattitude, however circumstancial. Lusting for glamour and fame, all the more futile. With closet regret, the wise know what they can not wish to forget; we will remain ignorant. Bound by the chord of gravity, timelessly orbiting, circling; running away aimlessly. Never to stray from the only light we know. What sorrowfull pity, the wasted hope of liberation.

-Ryan